


Pull me closer

by mythicalbi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, everyone is sad, the result of watching cacw trailer 58 times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5331161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicalbi/pseuds/mythicalbi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky was watching the sunrise when he heard it. A quiet, soft sound that resembled crying coming from Steve's bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "how deep is your love"

Bucky was watching the sunrise when he heard it. A quiet, soft sound that resembled crying coming from Steve's bedroom. Bucky tore his gaze from the sun rising high above the city and turned his head to listen closer. His bedroom was right next to Steve's in a little apartment they shared. After everything that happened, Bucky coming back, the war between the avengers, Bucky and Steve being on a run for months; they finally found a peaceful place where they both felt like they could breathe for the first time in a long time. They've been here for two months. None of the avengers have bothered them yet and Sam visited only once, worried that someone might follow him. Bucky thought they were happy here. Apparently, he was wrong.

 

He got up from where he was sitting on a bedside table near the window and crept up to the wall which separated his and Steve's bedroom. The muffled sounds of crying were even more evident now. Bucky worried his lower lip wondering what he should do. Maybe Steve was feeling down and wanted to have a little cry at six in the morning when he thought Bucky was asleep, in which case he should be left alone. Or maybe he had a nightmare or remembered something from their past that was causing him great distress, in which case he had to be comforted. But would Steve want to be comforted by him? Bucky knew they were friends but he also knew they weren't as close as they used to be. He remembered the two of them sharing one bed and talking about every little thing that crossed their minds. He remembered snuggling up to Steve when it was cold, mumbling something about wanting to keep him warm and feeling Steve's grip getting even tighter around him. He could remember comforting Steve when his mother died, holding him close and brushing his hair out of his face every so often; whispering that he's going to take care of them, and kissing the top of Steve's head as he sobbed into Bucky's shirt. They used to be so close, like brothers only closer. Now Steve struggles to meet his eye when they're talking, Bucky keeps quiet about all the thoughts running through his head, and they hugged only once. Once, after Steve found him and couldn't stop himself from throwing his arms around him. Bucky jerked back and Steve never attempted to hug him again. 

 

Bucky turn away from the wall. He wasn't sure comforting Steve would be a good idea. He couldn't do it from a distance and he didn't think Steve would let Bucky embrace him like he did when they were younger. 

 

He went back to bed trying his best to ignore Steve's quiet sobbing.

 

***

 

After a peaceful week of no crying from Steve, it happened again. It was 4 in the morning and Bucky woke up to loud sobbing slightly muffled by a pillow coming from the room next to his. He got up and went straight to Steve's bedroom. He stopped stopped before the doors, not sure whether he should knock or just barge in. He briefly thought about how this was a _really_ bad idea but before his slow, sleep deprived brain could tell his body to go back to his bed the door opened and Steve walked right into him.

 

"Oh my God, Bucky, are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't see you there. What are you doing out here, is everything alright?" Steve stepped back and stared at Bucky, his eyes full of worry. 

 

Steve's eyes were red and his cheeks wet, he looked like he could burst out crying again any second. And yet, here he was worrying about Bucky, his own sadness forgotten. Bucky just looked at him full of disbelieve until Steve shifted slightly and sniffled.

 

"I heard you crying" Bucky said. Steve blushed and cleared his throat. 

 

"Oh right, um... Sorry about that I-ah, I didn't mean to wake up" Steve was looking down, completely avoiding eye contact. He cleared his throat again and proceeded to walk past Bucky to the bathroom. Bucky grabbed his arm stopping him in his tracks. Steve turned to look a him and opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Bucky spoke,

 

"What's wrong?" 

 

Silence. Bucky waited, but Steve remained quiet, even silencing his own breath.

 

"Why were you crying?" He tried again.

 

Steve made a choked noise but otherwise said nothing. He looked away from Bucky and stared intensely at the door leading to his bedroom. 

 

"Steve" Bucky moved to stand directly in front of him, "Talk to me"

 

"It's nothing, Buck. Don't worry about it" Steve forced a weak smile on his face.

 

"Don't worry- Steve I woke up to you crying. I heard you last week, something is obviously wrong. If you don't wanna talk to me, that's... I get that, call Sam or somethin' but just, you know" Bucky struggled for words. He used to be good at this, they used to be so close they didn't need words to communicate. Steve was looking at him in a strange way.

 

"I, I didn't know you um, cared..." Steve choked out, his voice barely above a whisper. All of a sudden Bucky felt really sick.

 

"What do you mean?" He managed, his voice breaking.

 

Steve didn't respond right away. He looked ashamed, like Bucky's feelings were more important than his. Bucky wanted to punch just a little for that.

 

"I just meant, I thought maybe you were too busy with recovering to-"

 

"To care?" Bucky interrupted him, his voice rising. Steve didn't flinch. He nodded, a quick motion that could have easily been missed. He looked like he was about to apologise so Bucky cut him of with a bone crushing hug. He didn't care if Steve was going to push him away or get angry with him. It was the only way he knew how to show him how much Steve means to him.

 

"Of course I care you punk. I always care. I cared about you before I cared about myself. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Steve" Bucky's voice was shaky but loud enough that it couldn't be ignored. Steve hugged him back, just as tight. Bucky's human hand travelled up to Steve's head, massaging it lightly with his fingers. 

 

"I'm sorry, Buck. I'm sorry I didn't mean to say it like that" Steve whispered into his neck. Bucky shivered slightly. He pressed a kiss to Steve's head, just like he did when they were younger. His hair was soft and he smelled like home.

 

He felt Steve press a kiss to his neck, where Steve's face was buried, and he couldn't help smiling a little. He pulled him even closer and closed his eyes. For now this had to be enough and he hoped it was. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to al those wonderful people that left comments and kudos on the previous chapter!

They sat at the table across from each other. It was a chilly early morning, cups of steaming hot coffee keeping them warm. They were supposed to talk but all they've done so far was sit and stare at one another in silence. Bucky was scared to speak up first even though he was the one who suggested they sit down and talk it out. Steve was looking at him, the tears dried of from his face but his eyes were still red and puffy. Bucky sipped his coffee. It was hot and bitter, just the way he liked it. Steve always complained it tasted like "rotten garbage that's been stewing for too long in dog piss". Bucky admired the rich and graphic description. His lips quirked in what resembled a small smile at the fond memory. Steve must have noticed as he looked at him questioningly,

 

"Why are you smiling?" He asked, legitimately curious. 

 

"Just surprised to see you drinking coffee without any fuss, that's all" Bucky replied, the smile feeling more genuine. He saw the recognition fall on Steve's face and the other man smiled sadly at him. 

 

"One of the things you have to get used to, I guess" He said and took a huge swig of the drink. Bucky saw the opportunity to take the conversation where it needed to go. He finished his coffee and pushed the cup away from him. Folding his arms at the kitchen table he cleared his throat and waited for Steve to stop gazing down into his cup as if it was the most interesting thing in the entire universe. As soon as their eyes met, Bucky decided it'd be easier to stare at the table while he spoke. 

 

"You don't look happy, Steve. Why... I mean, is there anything I can do to, um, to help you? Be happy, I mean" Bucky cursed himself for being so incredibly bad with words. He closed his eyes and shook his head ashamed of not being enough for Steve. Ashamed of not being able to cheer him up or simply talk to him. When he felt Steve grab his hands his eyes opened and he was greeted with a... Look on Steve's face. Bucky recognized it from before, that was the way Steve used to look at him before he became the winter soldier. He could never work out what it meant, just knew it was filled with affection Bucky didn't deserve. However, just like before, he couldn't help but smile back at Steve, squeezing his hand tightly. Steve didn't complain. 

 

"Buck, I am happy. I'm happy that you're back and you remember me. I'm just so..." Steve looked like he was searching for the right word. Bucky held his breath and waited. Finally, Steve signed, "Tired. I'm just tired."

 

"Tired of what?" Bucky's voice was quiet and unsure. He didn't know if that was the right question to ask. Maybe he should have said something else. Maybe he should have comforted Steve, tell him that everything was going to be okay.

 

Steve didn't seem to mind.

 

"Tired of everything, I guess. Tired of being on the run, fighting with Tony and everyone else. Tired of not being able to help you. But mostly I'm just tired of being tired" Steve replied. He sounded so sad and broken. Bucky wished he knew what to say. He searched his brain for an appropriate response, something understanding and helpful, something kind, something that will bring a smile to Steve's beautiful face. The only thing he could come up with was,

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"No, it's... It's not your fault, Bucky-" 

 

"No, shut up" Bucky jumped from his chair and covered Steve's mouth with his human hand. Steve looked startled but didn't try to push him away. 

 

"Look, all this crap that's happening to you right now, it's because of me. And I'm sorry. I don't know how to fix it. It's my fault you're unhappy" Bucky continued. He moved his hand away from Steve's mouth and instead of leaving it at his side he cupped Steve's face, unable to stop touching him just yet. 

 

"Buck, it's not your fault," Steve said gently while taking hold of Bucky's hand and keeping it pressed to his cheek, "You're the one keeping me together. You're the one who makes me happy. I-I didn't, I thought you didn't want to be close to me, but I think we were both a bit stupid" 

 

"I guess I brought the stupid back with me" Bucky grinned watching Steve beam with happiness and recognition at the familiar words. He stood up and sneaked his hand around Bucky's waist, pulling him close and holding on tight. Bucky sighed contentedly. He put his metal arm around Steve and closed hi eyes letting himself enjoy the moment. His love for Steve was almost unbearable, it filled him from the inside and pumped through his veins. It surrounded him and kept him company through all those years. It was always there in him, next to him, even when he couldn't remember his own name the powerful feeling of love never left him. Bucky let his head drop on Steve's shoulder and let his guard down. He trusted Steve with his life and he finally felt safe where he was, safe enough to caress his cheek without thinking it through, forgetting that platonic friends shouldn't touch one another like that. Steve froze for a split second and that's when Bucky realized his mistake. He moved away, ready to apologize when Steve covered his mouth with his own lips in a sweet, chase kiss. 

 

Bucky jerked away surprised. Steve let him go with a heartbroken look on his face.

 

"I am so _so_ sorry, Bucky. I didn't-" Bucky shut him up with a kiss. When Steve kissed back Bucky couldn't help smiling and pulling him closer.

 

They were okay. They were safe. Maybe things didn't look too good right now but they would get through it all. Together. Bucky deepened the kiss and swallowed the moan that escaped Steve's lips. He hoped he would never forget this moment. 

 

***

 

The reporter looked into the camera and put the microphone close to her lips. She counted to 3 in her head and spoke in a loud and clear voice,

 

"After months of fighting, The Avengers seemed to have finally made up. We recently witnessed Captain America walking out of the Avengers Tower with a happy look on his face. Today, Tony Stark also known as Iron Man, officially announced the end of Civil War. According to him, "fighting gets you nowhere and we behaved like children. Cap and I sorted things out with the rest of the group and we're now trying to get things back to the way they were." When asked about Captain America's relationship with the Winter Soldier and whether he posed a threat, Stark smiled and simply shook his head. reporting live from Washington DC, Kathryn Jonthe." 

 

The camera stopped recording. Kathryn turned around to the front of the conference room to see Iron Man and Captain America standing on the side and talking quietly, most likely getting ready for their joint speech in 10 minutes. A man with long brown hair and gloves came up to the Captain and kissed his cheek. Kathryn made a mental note to ask Captain America about him. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that's read and enjoyed it!  
> If you could leave some kudos/comments, I would be very grateful c:

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed it, I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as I can but I don't know when that will be.  
> If you could leave some kudos and comments that would be swell c:


End file.
